A Mayhem of Madness
by RavenclawValdez
Summary: When River steals the property of a certain god of mischief, she ensures that chaos will follow her, the Doctor and the Ponds into their dimension, as Loki attempts to retrieve his belongings through opening cracks in the universe. However, Loki's not the only one coming through these cracks, as a socio-path, two hunters, a sorcerer and who knows what else is tumbling through.
1. Cracks In Reality

Amy was in a bad mood.

Or more so, the TARDIS was in a bad mood and somehow this was latching onto Amy herself. She didn't really understand how it was possible to sense the emotions of a box, no matter how 'sexy' said box may be. But then again, how many impossible things had she experienced whilst travelling with the Doctor?

Rory and the Doctor were engrossed in a game of chess. Typical. They were such _geeks_. Amy watched them feeling bored. According to the Doctor, the TARDIS was going through some technical difficulties – or how had the Doctor put it? Emotional turmoil. – Therefore they had to wait while she got herself back to normal. How fun.

"What are you doing to fix her anyway?" Amy asked, in an attempt to make conversation outside of chess positions.

"Well," said the Doctor, in his 'I-know-an-extremely-clever-thing-that-nobody-else -in-the-room-will-understand' voice, "the Protoll wires – named after a scientist actually from the 32nd century actually; Professor Protoll. Lovely man, though he didn't have any kind of grasp on the concept of personal space-"

"Doctor?" interrupted Rory.

"Yeah?"

"Try and keep to the subject please."  
"Oh of course! Well, in the simplest terms, the Protell wires just have to stable themselves, there's some kind of power leak, nothing serious of course, probably from a miniature dimension crack with some sort of foreign source of power leaking in, so we're stuck in our current location for about half an hour. Might feel a slight bump when she's ready, though not for a whi-"

The Doctor was interrupted yet again as the floor trembled violently and the three of them and several chess pieces went flying.

"Half an hour?" said Amy sceptically. "You know for a Timelord, you really have an awful sense of time."

The Doctor poked out his tongue and assisted her in getting up. He turned to Rory apologetically.  
"Well I guess we'll have to finish our game some other time! Maybe you won't be losing so hard then!"

Rory muttered something that sounded like, "Git."

The ringtone on the Doctor's cell made them all jump, as Stayin' Alive blared out.

"Bee Gees is a classic!" He pointed out, noticing the Ponds' expressions and took the call. From what Amy could hear, it sounded like the typical husband/wife conversation.

"River!" How are you getting through we just reassembled the- Oh I know you're clever, no need to point it out and – wait you what? River, tell me you're joking. You stole it? You do know how powerful those things are? What?! No, I can't keep it in the TARDIS. Wait what? You're jumping? Again? Really, is this necessary? Okay hold on, give me the coordinates and time. Right. Okay. Got it, got it. Bye. I'm going to regret getting involved in the affairs of gods and this kind of power, aren't I? I am? Knew it. Okay bye."

Alright, maybe not such a typical conversation between a husband and wife.

"Doctor? What exactly is going on?" Rory enquired nervously.

The Doctor was wiring up the TARDIS for flight as he replied. "Oh nothing much. River just jumped into another dimension and stole a potentially dangerous and extremely powerful item from a god. And now she's going to jump out of a spaceship and needs us to catch her."

"Right," said Rory, trying not to play the concerned father. "And this isn't the first time, she's done it, right?"

"Nope, she's done it in the past. And probably in the future." Amy confirmed.

Their exchanged glances of worried parents were interrupted by their daughter falling into the TARDIS, on top of the cushions the Doctor had put on the floor.

"Evening River!" the Doctor greeted his wife with a wink, his cheesy flirting style coming to light.

"The cushions are nice." River commented drily. "Though I much prefer landing on you if I'm honest." She winked back, shamelessly.

"Well down to business!" the Doctor exclaimed, clapping like a five year old on Christmas, as River unpacked her small case, and brought out a miniature and eerily glowing blue cube. Let's inspect her then, shall we?"

"Sorry," said Rory in his non-apologetic tone, "But what exactly is going on? Does anyone want to inform Amy and me?"

River seemed to acknowledge her parents' presence for the first time. "It's the tesseract." she informed them in a casual tone.

"Of course, that clears everything up, thanks."

"Well there's nothing much you need to know, aside from the fact that it's very powerful, very desired and has the potential to do a lot of damage. I'm sure you'd find the rest of that explanation very fascinating if I were to explain it all, but who's got the time? Not me!"

Nobody pointed out that he was a Timelord.

"And why is it such a big deal anyway?" Amy asked, feeling slightly concerned.

"Ah yes. River stole it. From Loki."

"Loki?" Amy repeated. The name seemed strangely familiar.

"Yep. You probably learned about the legends surrounding him and his fellow Norse gods. Loki's the god of tricks, mischief and lies," The Doctor said, as if he was telling her about a next door neighbour, not a _god_. "Not the kind of god you want to annoy." He added as an afterthought.

"So there are gods?" Amy asked warily. "Actual gods?"

"Not the kind of god you're thinking of." River assured her. "Just beings that possess certain powers, have long lifespans and consider themselves above everyone else."

"Like the Timelords." The Doctor said softly. Amy stared at him in disbelief. It was rare for the Doctor to mention his own race; theirs was a topic he generally preferred to remain on a muted level about.

Rory appeared to be struggling to wrap his head around the unfolding events. "Okay, a lying, mischievous, trickster god. And you stole from him. Why exactly?"

River shrugged. "Partially boredom. Partially because he was using it to rule Earth in his dimension, and cause chaos to erupt everywhere. I have my reasons."

"And now what?" Amy asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"Now," the Doctor said with a smile, as if he was announcing good news, "Loki is going to gatecrash into this dimension to retrieve his lost property, which could possibly destroy every single universe. Not to mention the life forms from other realities that will fall through the cracks he creates into our reality. But let's focus on the angry god on our heels, shall we?"

"What exactly do you mean by other life forms?" Rory inquired.

"Oh nothing really!" The Doctor reassured him. "Maybe just a couple of people from different times and locations falling into random parts of this univer-"

For the third time in less than an hour, the Doctor was interrupted. This time, it was by the sound of two young men, adorned in plaid, literally falling out of the air onto the floor of the TARDIS, just as River had done.

The Doctor gave a whoop of joy. "Well, this is great! Just as I was trying to explain, and here's the perfect example." He assisted both of the unexpected guests to their feet, an impressive feat for the Doctor who was dwarfed in comparison by the both of them. "Hello!" he greeted them enthusiastically. "I'm the Doctor."

The shorter haired, rougher looking of the pair glared at them, as if they were pulling some elaborate joke, before speaking in his rough American accent.

"Son of a bitch. What the hell just happened?"


	2. Two Hunters Join The Party

**A/N: So, I don't really know why I did this. I got bored I guess. If you review, it doesn't actually gain you anything, but it makes me very happy. :D**

The Doctor gr inned. "You're in my TARDIS," he said proudly. "Stands for Time and Relative Dimensions In Space. It can go anywhere in space and time, anywhere and everywhere you like." He was obviously expecting the two newcomers to be impressed.

The shorter of the two pulled out a gun and levelled it at the Doctor's head.

"Dean!" chided the taller of the two. "Put the gun away."

"Hell no Sammy. Not until I know what the fuck is going on here. Is it the angels? It's the angels, isn't it? Gabriel probably, the little shit."

"Angels." Rory muttered, more to himself than to anyone else. "Great. Now we've got angels to deal with."

"Put the gun down sweetheart," said River softly, her own gun pointed directly at Sam. "If you harm my husband, it will be the last thing your friend here ever sees you do. And I should warn you, I'm an excellent shot."

Dean had been up against all kinds of hell. From vampires to gods to Lucifer to shapeshifters, he'd seen it all. Yet, somehow, this lady with the big hair and the gun was more intimidating than them all. He scowled and slowly lowered his gun to the floor.

"Further." River ordered.

Dean sighed and kicked the gun halfway across the floor. "Happy?"

"No guns", commented the Doctor.

"'Scuse me?"

"I don't do guns, fullstop. So no guns."

Amy cleared her throat. "Well, how about we introduce ourselves? She turned to the taller, calmer man and gave him her best I-know-the-company-I-keep-is-weird-but-I'm-a-nice- person smile. "I'm Amy, Amy Pond."

"Sam Winchester," he said, shaking her hand. "And this is my brother Dean."

"Older brother," muttered Dean.

Amy couldn't help but notice they were both equally hot. "This is Rory Williams-"

"Her husband," Rory cut in.

Amy continued as if there had been no interruption, "and this is the Doctor and River Song."

"Alright, great you're all British and have weird names, now want to hell us what the hell this is all about?" Dean snapped.

"What are you anyway?" The Doctor enquired, ignoring Dean's queries. "Human?"

"Huma- what of course we're human!"

"Really? Because the TARDIS is picking up something that's not all human. From your brother."

Dean scowled. "Well you can tell your stupid TARDIS to shut the hell up because Sammy's just as good as any human, better all of them anyway."

The Doctor shrugged. "Never said he wasn't. But who are we to judge if he's not fully human? Is there a person in this room who can say they were always a full human?"

"I was plastic once." Rory offered.

"I was just some flesh one time." Amy pointed out.

"I was born only part human." River added.

"And I'm not human at all." The Doctor concluded.

Dean appeared to be slightly dumbfounded. "Well, would you look at that Sammy? Seems like we've stumbled onto a group of freaks just as freaky as ourselves."

Sam smiled wanly. "Never thought I'd see the day."

"So who are you then?" Amy asked casually. "What are you for that matter?"

Dean decided to take a wild leap and trust the young and attractive, red-headed Scottish woman. "We're hunters. We kill all the big baddies in the world, make sure all the kiddies and adults too can sleep better at night." He noticed the Doctor's expression of distaste. "You gotta problem with hunters?"

"More than one," the Doctor said quietly. Dean fell silent.

Sam picked up where his brother left off, "Well, uh, can you try and explain what's going on?"

"Ever hear of a guy named Loki?" River asked.

"Loki? Yeah, it rings a bell." Dean said.

"Well, let's get down to the basics. Do you understand that there's more than one reality?" Dean and Sam nodded. "Well, in a different reality, one of which none of us are from, a god named Loki is using this-" she gestured towards the Tesseract, which neither Dean nor Sam had noticed until she pointed it out – "To take over Earth in that reality. He somehow used its power to rewrite reality, which put him on the throne, Earth under his rule, and the people who oppressed him in chains. So I did what needed doing."

"Which was?" Sam asked, deciding he liked River.

"I got a Dimension Jumper, from the same gorgeous time agent who provided me with my Vortex Manipulator. I stole Loki's Tesseract, but he noticed unfortunately."

"And now he's trying to get it back," Sam said, with a nod, "But where do Dean and I come into in all of this?"

"Loki tore a hole in the fabric of his reality and ours," the Doctor explained, speaking for the first time in what was a long time to pass, without hearing the Doctor's intone. "Other, smaller tears started ripping in realities such as yours. Therefore, you fell straight into our reality. There are probably others, just like you, thrown into the wrong world."

Dean caught Sam's eye and appeared to exchange a silent conversation through a quick glance. Sam nodded.

"Cas?" Dean said, seemingly to nobody. "Look, we're really screwed up here and we could do with your help. So, uh, if you could maybe get down here somehow that would be great, man."

"Your friend won't be able to make it Dean," the Doctor said, apologetically, apparently having got past his dislike of Dean's job. "Nobody can just jump through such small cracks at will."

Dean smirked. "Look behind you Bowties."

"I don't understand," said a new, deeper voice. "Why would you refer to somebody by the name of an unusual accessory they adorn themselves with?"

The Doctor looked baffled, for once in 900 years. "I – how – what – how did he get here when you called? That's impossible."

"Who are you anyway?" Amy asked, taken aback by the strange turn on events.

The newcomer, yet another attractive young man, this one in a trenchcoat instead of plaid introduced himself to the Timelord. "I'm Castiel. I'm an angel of the Lord."


	3. The Clotpole And Queen (And the servant)

An awkward silence filled the room.

"So," Amy said eventually. "I take it, you didn't mean a weeping angel when you mentioned angels."

"Evidently not," the Doctor muttered, looking uncharacteristically take aback.

Castiel simply looked confused and gave the Winchesters a questioning look. "I heard Dean's calls, so I answered them," he said, as if it were obvious.

"So you're an Angel?" Amy asked. "An actual angel? Like of _God_?"

"Don't go thinking they're all pious and pure saints. sweetheart." Dean told her. "No offense Cas, but the majority of your siblings are complete shitheads."

"Please tell me, that's everyone that'll be dropping by tonight," Rory said. "Gods, hunters and now an angel, I'm really not able to deal with th-"

The TARDIS floor shook again, this time a lot more violently, throwing each her occupants across the room.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean yelled. In some part of her mind that wasn't wincing in pain, Amy wondering how many times a day he cursed.

"What the hell just happened?" Sam asked, rubbing his bruising temples. _Okay,_ thought Amy, _maybe it's a family habit._

The Doctor winced. "She's trying to protect us, the clever, sexy thing she is."

"Sexy? You're talking about your tadris, aren't you?" Sam asked.

"TARDIS," the doctor corrected him. "Don't offend her."

"Don't insult a man's ride Sammy," Dean said, throwing the Doctor an apologetic smile, and shaking his head at Sam's foolishness.

"Oh, of course, you'd stand up for him, you and your _Baby_…"

"Hey, don't bring my Baby into this."

"Your car?" asked Rory, to which Dean nodded. "What model?"

"Chevy Impala '67," said Dean proudly. His car was one of the few aspects of his life he would take pride in."

Rory did a double take, and was fully prepared to launch into those typical car conversations boys have, before Amy silenced him with a glare.

River seemed to be the only passenger, who had her priorities sorted. "Protecting us? From what?"

"Loki's caught up with us."

A grim silence broke over the group, only to be broken by Sam.

"So, uh, where are we?"

The Doctor ran over to the door with the energy of a hyperactive child and poked his head outside. "London," he called out. "Early 21st century I believe."

"When are we not in 21st century England?" Rory muttered.

"Hold on." The Doctor said. "That's odd. That's really odd. Seems we've jumped through the rabbit hole. She's sent us through a crack; we're in a completely different reality." He paused and turned to Amy. "It's the universe you grew up believing in, until you met me."

"What?"

"The universe without the monsters and the mayhem," said the Doctor softly. "No aliens invading or demons rising. It's not a paradise. There are still wars and famine and suffering of course. But otherwise…nothing alien or supernatural."

Amy thought about this. What would life be like alongside the Doctor and Rory in a world that wasn't overrun by Daleks and whatnot? Just seeing the universe, taking in its beauty and being content with the two people she loved.

"I think there might have been some kind of power in this world." The Doctor added. "Some kind of magic…a long time ago. But it's died out, as this", he gestured at the bustling traffic and the high buildings which obscured the TARDIS from the view of the public eye, "was born."

"Have you ever been to Britain?" Amy asked the Winchesters and Castiel.  
"Not that much." Sam admitted, wondering if the Scottish had some crazy punishment for the people who had not experiences Britain's culture.

"Well you must be lacking in the joyous experience of British breakfast!" Amy exclaimed, throwing her arms around the American brothers. What time is it here? About nine?"  
"Half past nine." The Doctor informed her.

"Perfect." Amy said with a smirk. She grabbed both Winchesters and Castiel and almost dragged the three of them to the door.

The Doctor looked worried. "Well we can't really leave the TARDIS unguarded. If anything does fall through, it's most likely to land in her, she's got a habit of attracting those kind of visitors."

As if to prove his point, there was a loud crash and, this time, three people landed on the TARDIS floor, just like the Winchesters appearing to drop out of the air. This new trio were the youngest additions to this new gathering, but then again, Amy considered, you'd think the Doctor and Rory were young men in their twenties when in reality, between them they shared three millennia. And she had a funny feeling Castiel wasn't as young as his physical appearance suggested. The new trio consisted of two boys perhaps in their late teens, one dark haired, the other blond and a young, dark-skinned woman. It wasn't their age that startled Amy though. She had done enough time-travelling to recognize out of period clothes when she saw them. The female and the blond were adorned with extravagant, lust-worthy garments whereas the second boy's wear was plain and grubby.

The blond scowled, though he didn't seem very surprised, as if this sort of thing was happing everyday. "You oaf!" he snapped to the other boy as he helped himself and the girl to their feet. "Magic of course! You're meant to be looking out for this sort of thing."

"I didn't do anything!"

"That's the problem, you moron, you don't do anything, you were probably just chasing butterflies or whatever it is you do when you should be keeping an eye out for any dangers, but somehow always manage to get us into a situation like this anyway."

"I was on the look out. I mean, there wasn't a great view ahead of me, why'd I want to see you kissing Gw – OW – you clotpole, that hurt!"

"Well how about a proper fi-"

"Excuse me," the Doctor spoke up, stopping the newcomers' argument in mid-sentence. "Mind telling us your names?"

The blond was evidently not planning to say anything, but the girl sighed and put her hand on his in a calming gesture.

"I'm Guinevere," she said pleasantly. "This is my husband Arthur and this," she said gesturing to the boy on the floor who was being helped to his feet by an aggravated Arthur, "Is our servant and friend, Merlin."

There was a silence in the TARDIS, only to be broken by a low whistle from Dean.

"Well then. How about that?"


	4. Two New Additions To The Craziness

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed/followed/favorited! ily guys ugh. Also, to those who were asking who else will be joining the party, well read on;)**

"How about what?" asked Merlin, grimacing in pain. "Ugh, Arthur I think you broke my foot when you landed on me."

"Why do I even keep you around?" Arthur grumbled.

Dean laughed. "This is fucking amazing. Arthur._ King Arthur_."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Well look at that, our captives recognize me."

Dean smirked. "Buddy, you've got a lot to learn." His smirk grew as he saw Arthur pull out a sword. "Oh, that's cute, look Sammy, a swo-"

With a swift, split-second movement, Arthur managed to shove Dean against the wall with the sword pointed at his throat.

"Arthur!" yelled Guinevere and Merlin simultaneously.

"Step away from Dean," Castiel ordered, advancing upon Arthur

"How about we add swords to the list of things-you're-not-allowed-in-my-TARDIS?" the Doctor suggested. "Guns, swords, pears and drugs."

"Well you're not trying to oppress us?" asked Guinevere who clearly seemed to be the brains of the trio.

"Nope! Nada! Not at all!" the Doctor exclaimed joyfully. "It's amazing to have you here! You're probably wondering what's going on, aren't you? Just some cracks in the universe, realities collapsing, people being thrown across time vortexes, all thanks to the god we – or rather River – stole from."

"Okay," said Guinevere, evidently not comprehending this. "So where are we?"

"Well you're in your home, Albion, over a thousand years into the future. Specifically speaking we're in my TARDIS. Well we won't be for much longer; we're going to having breakfast. Ha! Imagine that. Breakfast with King Arthur! And Guinevere! And _Merlin_! That's amazing."

"Let me get this straight," Amy muttered, "You have a time-machine and you've never checked out Camelot?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Lost point in time, woven into the legends so tightly that it's literally impossible to find them."

"Breakfast." Arthur repeated. "Well that's what Guinevere and I were going to have in the forest before _somebody_ let his guard down and got us stuck here.

"It wasn't my fault!"

"Course it was!"

"Oh shut up, Dollop Head."

"Idiot."

"Clotpole

"Assbutt." Intoned Dean, smiling faintly at Castiel.

"What?" enquired several voices

"Never mind," said Dean, still smiling at the angel.

The Doctor clapped. "Well then! Breakfast it is! Let's go then."

And so, the Timelord, the Centurion, the Scot, the Timelady/Human, the Angel, the two Hunters, the Warlock, the King and the Queen advanced onto London's streets.

"God help this place", muttered Amy to herself.

l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l

Sherlock sipped his tea and gazed around the other people in the mainly empty restaurant. They were incredibly boring. A middle-aged account that was cheating on his wife with a younger male colleague. Boring. An old lady, suffering from arthritis that recently got into an argument with her children, probably over the items in her will. Just as boring. A boy about seventeen, recovering from a break-up, whilst trying to puppy-train a spaniel. All so _boring_. Just like everyone in this restaurant. Sherlock didn't even know why he went there. The 'Best Traditional English Breakfasts Of The Year' award pinned on the wall was undeserved in Sherlock's opinion. So why was he here? Well of course he knew the answer to it. John. John loved the place, he had once told Sherlock it was a place his mother often brought himself and Harry as children, before their family lost the cosy family type image, and somehow, Sherlock didn't mind the slow service and horrible pop music, considering how much John loved the place.

He wished John would hurry up and come back from the bathroom. Although Sherlock would never admit it, John was the only person in the world he felt comfortable with. Of course, he didn't mind the company of Greg, and Mrs. Hudson was fine, despite all her fussing, and he was rather fond of Molly, but John was the only person Sherlock truly felt as ease with, and he couldn't help but feel a rush of joy when he saw his friend exiting the restaurant toilets.

John took a seat and sipped his own tea. "So this case," he enquired. "Care to explain anymore?"

Sherlock smirked. "Do you want the real version or the version I simplify so you can comprehend it?"

John rolled his eye. "Just get on with it, would you?"

Sherlock took out his various notes and diagrams and shoved them across the table to his best friend. "As I hope you know, there are many laws in this world regarding Physics. I wasn't working on anything related to the specific laws this conversation is revolving around, but I happened to hear some information from a source."

"Molly?" asked John with a smile. Sherlock ignored the truth.

"I didn't believe her – it, but I did some investigating in my spare time and it's almost as if our universe as we know it is collapsing. The rest of that side of the story is extremely complicated. Shall I stop?" John nodded and Sherlock continued the next part of his findings, and producing some DNA samples in a small packet. "And then this "appears out of nowhere."

"What is it?" John asked, wishing Sherlock would realize that John simply didn't have the mental ability to deduce a case from a momentary inspection of an object.

"Found on the corpse of a murder victim in Ireland. The case would have been unusual enough to alert the local gardaí, but not so much that I would come into it, if it wasn't for the sample. Unusual in the way that the man had no enemies, nobody with a grudge against him and yet was found dead with no physical harm done. Moll- somebody commented that it was like he had simply been 'switched off'. Childish explanation, but it fits. There's nothing wrong with him at all."

"Aside from the fact that he's dead", commented John wryly.

"Well yes. Aside from that."

"And the DNA sample found on him?"

"The experts in Ireland inspected it. Couldn't grasp it at all, so it was sent onto America, then to me. And it's impossible but, from what I can tell, it's not human. A completely foreign DNA."

John frowned. Ever since he met Sherlock, his life had certainly taken a turn to the strange side, but it was never this strange.

The door of the shop opened and a large group, of young adults crowded in, seven male and three female, a few of them dressed extremely strangely.

"Tourists," John muttered sceptically, making a start on his toast the waitress had just brought down.

Evidently the group was far larger than expected in the restaurant, as there were no tables with sufficient seating numbers. Two of the men, the dark haired one in the odd clothes, and the one with the slightly long nose were forced to go without and had to find other chairs to pull up.

"Excuse me?" said the long nosed man, gesturing to a spare chair at John and Sherlock's table, "Can I borrow this?" He spoke with a British accent. Alright, not a tourist.

"Sure," John said, at the same time as Sherlock said, "Your wife."

"Excuse me?" the stranger asked.

"Your wife." Sherlock repeated. "The redhead, she thinks the man on her right" – he gestured towards the short haired plaid-wearing man – is attractive."

The stranger opened his mouth to retort and closed it again, at a loss for words.

John sighed; he was used to Sherlock's constant verbal abuse thrown casually at strangers. "Ignore him", he said apologetically, "He's a bit stroppy today."

The victim of Sherlock's deductions nodded, tight-lipped, and grabbed the chair. In his haste to remove himself from Sherlock's presence he somehow managed to knock the chair against the table, resulting in John's breakfast being knocked down.

John swore loudly and received a glare from the waitress as he was mildly scalded by his lukewarm tea. Somehow Sherlock had managed to avoid getting as much as a breadcrumb upon him. However, his notes were soaked and barely readable.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry, let me get that," he babbled as he dabbed the spilt tea on the table with a small tissue but his attempts were in vain, it would have been just as easy to dry up the ocean with a mop.

His redheaded wife and a different man, a strangely dressed man, who despite looking to be in his early twenties dressed with the style of an seventy year old, bowtie and all, approached John and Sherlock's table, sighing at the mess.

"Honestly Rory," chided the redheaded woman, "I'm so sorry," she said to John and Sherlock, giving them her best smile. "I'm Amy Pond and this is my-"

"Husband." Sherlock interrupted. "Yes, we know."

The bowtie wearing man was peering at Sherlock's nearly undecipherable note with a frown. "Hang on Amy." He said, gesturing for her not to leave. He peered at Sherlock. "Are these yours?"

Sherlock nodded curtly, and resumed his sipping of tea, as if nothing had happened.

"These are good. In fact, these are beyond good." He peered at Sherlock suspiciously and lowered his voice. "You're not a non-human by any chance?"

"Believe me, I ask myself the same question every day," muttered John to himself.

The man inspecting the notes shook his head. "Nope, you're human. Just immensely clever. Too clever maybe. But that's good; clever is good. I'm the Doctor by the way. And you are?"

John wondered if the man was alright. "Just leaving," he said pointedly.

"Isn't that a coincidence?" the Doctor beamed. "So are we, aren't we Amy?"

"But your group's still ordering," John pointed out, not wanting to be in the company of this strange individual for any longer; Sherlock alone was more than enough.

"Well strictly speaking, we're not with any of them, except the pretty one with the big hair. She's my wife," the Doctor informed them.

"I know." Sherlock responded in a bored tone.

"Well we better get going home then, shouldn't we?" John said to Sherlock, deciding the 'Doctor' definitely had a problem.

"Home?" the Doctor said. "Brilliant! That's just where we're going."

John sighed. "Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Unless you're trying to help us out in some way, please just lea-"

The Doctor shushed him and brought a strange looking screwdriver out of his inside coat pockets, pointed it at Sherlock's destroyed notes and clicked it. It lit up and made a soft buzz and somehow managed to soak the water from Sherlock's notes.

John didn't know what to say.

The Doctor winked.

"Well then, we better start walking home then, shouldn't we? I'm sure we've got a lot to talk about."


	5. A Chapter Consisting Of Cereal & Theft

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read this, regardless of following it or not, I'm just glad you took the time to click on this complete crack!fic. :D**

River sighed as she noticed her family exiting the building and nodding for her to follow. "Well I believe this is my cue." She did wish she could stay longer. Dean could hold a very interesting conversation.

"Hold the fuck up," said Dean worriedly, "You lot are our only way home!"

River winked. "Don't worry. This won't be the last you'll see of me. Now do my mother a favour and make sure you get a proper British breakfast."

"Mother!?" Dean and Sam said simultaneously.

River winked again. "Don't do time-travelling kids. It messes up your family."

She joined her messed up-family and the two strangers as they walked out the restaurant door.

The Doctor beamed at her. "River, this is – wait." He frowned. "You didn't tell us your names."

"Sherlock," said the taller man, with cheekbones that almost made River do a double take, which was saying something considering the cheekbones her husband had.

"John," added the shorter man. Neither of them seemed willing to make conversation.

"Well that's brilliant!" the Doctor said; he seemed to be in a very good mood. "Now where did you say you lived?"

John gestured to the left. "Just down that street. It's only a two minute walk."

"Strange coincidence. That's where I parked the TARDIS."

"Your what?"

"My ship; the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space."

"Ship? Like a spaceship?" John asked weakly. "So you're an alien?"

"Well yes."

Rory turned to John; both of them were lagging at the back of the group, "Yeah, I know. It's a bit weird. You'll get used to it though."

John shook his head. "It's not a joke, is it?" Rory shook his head, and somehow John decided to trust the person, who had obtained John's initial reaction of being an idiot. "So what about you and, sorry, what was her name? Amy? And River? Are you aliens too?"

Rory shrugged. "Well it's complicated. River is part Timelord, they're of the species Gallifreyian, a race you'd call alien. But she's got completely human parents.

The ball dropped for John. "You and Amy?" he asked, deciding not to point out that River looked like Amy's mother, not the other way around.

"Yep. Though I wasn't always human. I mean I was plastic for a bit. A Roman plastic. But then that never happened." He pulled a face. "Sorry. Paradoxes. So what about you? And Sherlock?"

John shrugged. "Well we're best friends. And flat-mates. He's a consulting detective, the only one in the world. And I'm his assistant, Doctor John Watson. And his personal blogger I guess."

Rory nodded understandably. "I know what you feel like. You grow up, wanting to help others, do well in your medical studies, next thing you know, your life is suddenly mixed into the life of some genius and you're being treated like a simpleton."

John looked at Rory in surprise. Well, Rory wasn't the American idiot John thought he was.

The conversation ahead could be heard by both the doctor and the nurse now. "Ah, here's the alley where we parked her. Now she doesn't look like much, but wait until you see inside, you won't be able to-"

The Doctor broke off in mid-sentence and a look of horror appeared onto his face as the six of them stared into the empty alley

l/l/l/l/l/l/l/

Merlin, Guinevere and Arthur were still marvelling at the modern way of eating. Or rather Merlin and Guinevere were marvelling while Arthur was still blaming Merlin for what had happened.

When the waitress came down to take their order, both Sam and Dean decided to follow Amy's wishes and order a traditional English breakfast, while Castiel opted not to order anything and the three citizens of Camelot eventually decided on cereal, which Dean assured them was a 'modern day example of the existence of God. Just like that angel beside you'.

As Merlin ate coco-pops, Guinevere ate cornflakes and Arthur ate rice-krispies (Or rather Arthur glared at his rice-krispies suspiciously as they popped until the Winchesters assured him it was what they always did), they were filled in on what was going on, or at least the facts the Winchesters had managed to pick up.

As time went by, the restaurant gradually became more and more crowded as more customers came in and by eleven – it took a good ten minutes on the behalf of the Winchesters to explain the concept of times and clocks – the place was crowded.

Sam noticed a miserable expression on Merlin's face. "You okay?"

"Hm? Yes, it's just a bit sad, that everything's so advances and yet these people," Merlin said, pointing at the waiters, "Are being forced to work as servants."

Dean and Sam burst into laughter and even Castiel cracked a smile. "Dude," Dean said, wiping tears from his eyes, "this is their job. These people are paid to do it."  
A look of awe appeared on Merlin's face. "The future is a good place," he muttered.

"Lucky for you, you live in the past!" said Arthur with a smirk. "Don't worry Merlin, I wouldn't dream of paying you."

Merlin smiled. "I wouldn't dream of expecting you to."

"The TARDIS is gone." Rory said, and decided to repeat it. "The TARDIS is gone."

The Doctor's good mood seemed to evaporate. "Well yes Rory, my TARDIS is gone, thanks for sharing that."

"Who could have taken it?" Amy asked worriedly.

"Well to find out who," said the Doctor "We should try and figure out how."

"We need to find out how could anyone steal a large blue box that heavy?" River mused.

"And once we've found out how," Sherlock added, "It will certainly minimize the number of suspects, so then finding out who should be simple."

Amy, Rory and John stared at them.

"You okay Pond?" asked the Doctor, giving Amy a quick hug. "All of today…well it's a lot to take in, isn't it?"

"I'm fine," she said and returned the hug. "It's bad enough to cope with you and River. I'm not up to dealing with all three of you."

The Doctor laughed and turned to address the others. "Well, first things first, we should go back and get the others," he turned to Sherlock and John, remembering for the first time how little they knew about the situation. "Oh, by the way, we're with King Arthur, Merlin, Queen Guinevere, a couple of demon hunters and an angel. Just so you understand that. Well come on then!" he said as he practically bounced across the street with his never-ending energy. "We've got a TARDIS to save."

When they reached the diner, it was still crowded, but the Winchesters and co. were nowhere in sight. The Doctor groaned, more to himself than to the others.

"Now what?" Rory asked. He wasn't sure if he liked these people, but he didn't like to think of them lose on London.

"Phone please, Pond." The Doctor said to Amy, "I knew he'd do this – ah, there we go." He scrolled through Amy's contacts until he came to 'dean ;)'. "You didn't notice him taking your phone? Well he would be good at that sort of behaviour, all hunters are."

"What do you have against hunters anyway?" Amy asked as the Doctor hit the call button. Much to her annoyance, the Doctor pretended not to hear her as Dean answered.

"Hello Dean! It's me, the Doctor. What? Yes, I know. Okay, so where are you? _What_? Why are you – oh never mind. Right, hm, by the way, we've got some bad news. Really bad news. What is it? Oh, well it's a surprise! Yes a surprise! That's quite cool. Okay, we'll see you there soon. Okay, we'll get a bus now."

"Where are they?" Rory asked, feeling extremely worried about the safety of London.

**"**The ice-rink on the other side of this block, "the Doctor answered as if it were the obvious reply and began to make his way to the nearest bus stop. When nobody made to follow him, he simply yelled back, "Last one there has Dalek breath."

"Daleks breathe?" Rory asked River.

"You'd be surprised," she answered and followed the Doctor with an impressive speed considering the size of her high heels.


	6. Like We Didn't Have Enough To Deal With

**A/N: Sorry for such a late update! Fish fingers&custard and hugs to anyone who is reading. Thank you to the wonderful people who reviewed, you guys are awesome. Now, we have yet another guest to add to the fun. [Sort of spoilers for this chapter - I have a slight girl-crush on Katie McGrath. Wow, she is gorgeous]. Also, slightly off-topic but Catching Fire is perfect and if you haven't seen it yet, stop reading this and see it ****_now_**** because it is amazing. Sorry for the rambling. I'll stop now.**

The gum-chewing female who worked at the ice-rink shook her head. "Nope. You wanna get in, you buy the tickets."

"Oh for heaven's sake," John muttered. Today had been normal – well as normal as life with Sherlock could get – and now he was buying admittance to an ice-rink with aliens so they could find Merlin.

"Nope, it's perfectly okay, see?" the Doctor persisted waving a sheet of paper in the ticketsales girl's face.

"Didn't know we stocked unlimited passes," she muttered but buzzed the entrance open anyway.

Sherlock looked at the Doctor curiously. "What was that?"

"Physic paper. Shows them whatever I want them to see. Well come on then everyone! What size are you Ponds?"

"What?" Amy asked bewildered, wondering if she would ever get used to the Doctor's antics.

"Shoe size!" the Doctor beamed. "We're at an Ice-Rink aren't we?"

"Doctor," Amy said in her sternest tone of voice. "We are not going ice-skating."

The Doctor pouted. "Spoil sport."

"There's the others," Rory said, ignoring the Doctor's wishful stare at the ice-rink.

River had already made her over to the Winchesters, Castiel and Camelot citizens and engaged in a conversation with the Winchesters at once.

"I see," she muttered, "And you have no idea who it is?"

"None at all," Sam replied.

"What's going on?" Amy enquired nervously.

"Demonic readings," Dean told her, "Could be anyone."

"What made you come here?" the Doctor demanded. "I mean, ice-rinks are cool but I didn't think they were a demonic hotspot."

Dean seemed as mystified as everyone else. "Picked up some back at the diners and they got stronger the closer we got to here, it's pretty fucking weird, we never pick up readings from such a distance. It's like some kind of mayhem of madness here." He seemed apparently pleased with his choice of alliteration.

"Dean really? That's like something some crappy Young Adult writer would put in a story," Sam muttered.

The Doctor inspected Dean's favoured gadget, even giving it a buzz or two with his Sonic Screwdriver. "It's working fine," he admitted, "There's definitely something not right going on here. Well demons then! Now, first of, I want to say, I'm not having any of that Hunter's choice of exorcising the poor things. I deal with this, and I deal with it alone."

"Hold up," Dean snapped, "Who put you in charge?"

The Doctor looked him straight in the eye. "I did."

Sam decided to briefly nominate himself the person in charge of breaking up conflict between his brother and the Timelord. "Dean," he snapped. "Come on, stop this crap, we need to find this demon before we decide how to deal with it. For the first time he noticed Sherlock and John; Sherlock who was eyeing the group with a bored expression and John who appeared not entirely sure how he had got there. "Aren't we getting introduced then?"

Still not finished staring Dean down, the Doctor didn't reply, so Amy deemed herself the person in charge of introductions, "Sherlock and John," she said briefly, then took it in her stride to introduce the other way around, "Dean, Sam, Castiel, Arthur, Guinevere and Merlin." She informed the local men.

At that moment Merlin startled everyone by flying through the air and making an unexpected coherent sound as his body thumped against the ground.

John jumped with a startled expression, Sherlock merely look bored. "Does he normally do that?" he enquired in his uninterested tones.

"Merlin!" Arthur and Gwen yelled simultaneously, and for all the complaining Arthur had done about his servant the look of concern on his face was worrying.

Their attention was taken from Merlin's unconscious form by a low laugh from the door. The sound was coming from a female, a young girl, about Amy's age. She was dressed in modern clothes, a simple pair of jeans and tight top, but she was the kind of girl who made that work. Amy had always felt confident with her own appearance – hell, she wouldn't have taken up the job of a stripogram if she hadn't – but she couldn't suppress a spark of jealousy. The girl was beautiful. Her dark hair contrasted with her eerily pale skin and her green eyes had a cool, menacing look. Her features were sharp, giving her a fierce, yet still breathtaking look.

So Amy didn't really question the low whistle from Dean's direction.

"Morgana," Arthur said, with a strange air of calamity. "So, it turns out you're not dead?"

The girl laughed again, tossing back her hair. "Oh, my dear brother. When will you learn? Of course I didn't die. I've been here, in this time for a while now. Waiting for you of course. Kill you and your darling wife without any work on my behalf? Well, just Merlin, but I hardly think he counts. Oh yes, that reminds me." With a snap of her fingers Merlin's body simply vanished into thin air. Arthur gave an infuriated yell, and ran his sword through his sister's body and stopped dead in his tracks as it glided through her, as if she wasn't there.

"Ah, yes. I learned a new trick. Do you like it? And the clothes, I've been meaning to ask you about the clothes. The modern day type of clothes, mainly adorned by peasants, but I think I can make them look wonderful. Do you like them Guinevere? Remember those days when you would help me choose my day's garments and such? Those wonderful days when you knew your place, as a servant."

"You're stalling Morgana," Guinevere said simply, in reply to her old mistress's remarks. "You can't kill Arthur and myself or you would already have done it. Maybe you're not strong enough to do serious damage in this kind of form, of perhaps you used up your magic on Merlin's behalf. And I doubt you're strong enough to remain here much longer. But aside from that, there's something more important I shouldn't neglect to mention. You're working for somebody, aren't you?"

Morgana shook of a flash of annoyance that appeared upon her face and the scathing laugh returned. "I don't like taking orders Gwen darling. Haven't you noticed?"

The Queen raised her height so she was standing nose to nose with her former friend – or rather her former friend's hologram – "Oh, I'm well aware you don't like it Morgana. But that doesn't clear the fact that you're still doing it. Why though? It's not just to fulfil a petty urge to gain revenge upon myself and my husband for the childish whims that cloud your judgement. It's because you're scared. Absolutely terrified."

Morgana's once solid form flickered slightly, like an old light bulb that was attempting to hold onto a former spark, then vanished, just as Merlin had done.

There was a low silence, as Gwen turned around to face her companions.

The silence was broke by a slow clapping from the Doctor, as a smile grew upon his face. "Now that's what I call a Queen!"


	7. Sibling Rivalry

**A/N: I should probably add less characters, I know, but I just love them all too much. I apologise.**

"So, the crazy hot bitch was your sister?" Dean asked Arthur.

Amy suspected Arthur had never heard the words 'crazy hot bitch' strung together as part of a sentence, but it was easy to catch the gist of Dean's question from the tone in which in was asked.

"Yes," Arthur said glumly staring down at the lukewarm and still untouched hot chocolate the Doctor had persisted in ordering everyone. The group, now reduced to eleven after Merlin's untimely departure, were seated in the café of the ice-rink at a table booth. "She's my sister, she's an insane, cruel and malicious person who desires my place on the throne with a burning passion and will go to all means to achieve her goal. And now she has Merlin."

"Arthur," Gwen said gently placing a comforting hand upon her husband's slightly shaking arm, "We will get him back, I promise."

"But, we're missing the big question," the Doctor mused aloud, "What does Morgana want with him? And who exactly is she working for?"

Arthur threw the Timelord a disgusted look. "Does it matter? Merlin is missing and Morgana could be doing anything with him. Couldn't you at least pretend to care?"

The Doctor smiled sadly. "Oh, but that's my problem Arthur. I care far too much."

Sam cleared his throat awkwardly. "Okay so. This Morgana. I think it's safe to assume she's working for Loki, yeah?"

"Loki?" Castiel repeated in a startled tone, "I know that name."

"You do?" Dean asked. He was kind of used to Cas knowing a lot of strange people via angel connections.

"Yes," Castiel said, "And so do you two."

"Loki? Wait, hang on. That's the name Gabriel used," Sam said, eyes widening in shock as realization dawned. "Are you seriously suggesting _Gabriel_ is behind this?"

"I take it Loki is the person behind these events," Cas said, "But no, it's not my brother. Gabriel took the name Loki as a false identity. Over the years, as you know, Gabriel developed a fondness for trickery and fooling others. His escapades are childish pranks in comparison to what the real Loki is capable of. The real Loki dabbled in such dark magic that his powers are perhaps equal to that of us angels. Maybe even more so."

"Pity we don't have Gabriel here," Sam said. "He could be a huge help."

"Well. This is great." Rory said, eating a cookie miserably. Rory was probably the only person on the planet capable of combining the emotion of misery with the action of eating a cookie. "And we're stuck here now, aren't we? Now that the TARDIS is gone?"

"Hold on," Dean said, "Your box is gone?"

"Box," the Doctor echoed sceptically, "From what you've seen of her, she's sexy, clever, bigger on the inside and can travel through time and space and box is the best you can come up with?"

"But it's – or she I guess, is missing?"

"Well yes."

Sherlock sighed. "Honestly, it pains me to be in your company."

Dean ignored the comment and turned to speak to Castiel. "But what about your angel mojo Cas? That's still working, right?"

Castiel fidgeted uncomfortably. "I'm afraid not," he admitted, "What with so much of reality as we know it collapsing, my powers have gone rather haywire. To attempt to jump dimensions would be far too risky."

"Great," Sam muttered. "Just great."

"It is, isn't it? Gonna be great fun," said a sing-song voice from behind them. Seemingly out of thin air, two people had appeared a young man with a devilish grin and a very pissed-off looking red-head who, unless Amy was mistaken, was wearing Hogwarts robes.

"_Gabriel_?" Castiel said incredulously at the same time as the Winchester brothers said, "_Charlie_?" in the same tone of voice.

"Oh don't look at me like that Cassy," the young man said with a pout, noticing Castiel's expression of shock and anger. "I heard Sammy calling, couldn't resist popping in, now could I? Say, can I have some of this hot chocolate? Looks great." Without waiting for a reply, he grabbed Castiel's still full cup and downed half of the frothy mixture.

"Gabriel," Castiel snapped, "What are you doing here? How did you get here?"

"Never mind, I take it back, this stuff is disgusting. Needs a hell lot more sugar."


End file.
